we live, as we dream...

Today I watched Apocalypse Now (for the first time) here at the library. Kurtz's character suddenly made a clear picture of what I've been reading of Nietzsche about stronger humans, meant to rule; the supermen he envisions leading humanity. I've never seen anyone like this, nor been driven to follow any man by his presence. The only exception to this is when, a couple years back, Jen showed me a picture of the 17th Karmapa, whom she met on her trip to Tibet, and I was immediately struck by the strength and will apparent in his face, in his eyes. I begged her for a copy of the picture, and that, coincidentally was my present in her letter yesterday. It was a different picture of him, though -- he looks pleasant and peaceful -- nothing like the first I'd seen.

Continuing the coincidence, Apocalypse Now is based on Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness, which we read in senior-year English together, and of which the protagonist shares Jen's last name.

I left the university trying to harden my eyes and face, and exude power. People passing as you walk are more likely to look at you if you do not make any attempt look at them. Is this because they don't fear the ever so frightening locking-of-eyes, because they are not worried you'll catch them looking at you, or because it makes you more interesting that you have some other motive -- something else on your mind -- than to pay attention to them?